By Megan Burch, LSW, Therapist/Owner of Joy Creek Counseling, LLC After partnering with survivors of domestic violence for over 10 years, I have heard many comments from other helping professionals expressing their frustrations in working with domestic violence, particularly in working with survivors. Often, helping professionals ask questions or make statements with no easy answers or no clear context. Why doesn’t my client just leave? My client lies to me. My client is minimizing the abuse. These questions/statements are loaded with complexity. When I hear comments like this, I try to look at this from a position of assuming well. I like to assume that, “This helping professional cares about the well-being of their client.” When we make statements like this, it is often out of concern for our clients. We don’t want to see them get hurt anymore. We want the best for them. We want them to be able to live a life free of emotional and physical violence.
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By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS Domestic violence (DV) is one of the silent epidemics in our culture today. It is not well understood by the larger system that these couples will come into contact, let alone understood by the public and those who have not experienced DV. And even when you have experienced DV in a relationship, if you do not have the resources and support to understand what has happened to you, you can be left completely confused or believing what your abusive partner has spewed as truth. When 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men have experienced severe forms of physical violence in an intimate relationship(1), why is it not better understood? One of the misconceptions or myths that is consistently used to defend abusive behaviors is that abusive partners “just have an anger problem.” If an abusive act is witnessed by others or called out in any fashion, the excuse that they have a problem controlling their anger is a go-to response. And, this excuse is routinely believed to be the cause of the behaviors. This makes sense to those who have witnessed a single abusive act or those in the system that do not have enough knowledge on the history of the coercive control that has been used throughout the length of the relationship. It is even an acceptable excuse for many victims feeling the wrath of this so-called anger problem. So, can DV just be explained as poor impulse control or difficulties controlling anger? By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS When you hear the term domestic violence, what first comes to mind? Black eyes and split lips? Who do you picture? A woman in a low-income neighborhood or trailer park with bleached hair, cut-off shorts with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth? What about the abuser? What kind of monster do you depict? Does anything change when you hear the term intimate partner violence? There are many different definitions of domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence). There are different legal definitions depending on what state you live in. You can find the definition for your state here. A little more similar are the therapeutic definitions used by mental health professionals and advocates. I have combined several different definitions found in the literature to create yet another one. One that, I believe, encompasses a majority of the aspects and nuances of domestic violence. Domestic Violence (also known as Intimate Partner Violence) is a systematic and willful pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another and includes, but is not limited to, intimidation, physical assault, sexual assault, psychological and/or emotional abuse, and economic coercion. By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS Victims and survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) are questioned and discredited by those that are supposed to help keep them safe. Here are some statements made by victims and survivors of IPV that they would like therapists and other professionals to know before working with this population. “Abusers make sure they seem like good people so that if their victims speak up not one will believe it” -K |
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February 2021
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