What I Want A Therapist (and Other Professionals) to Know

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS

​Victims and survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) are questioned and discredited by those that are supposed to help keep them safe.  Here are some statements made by victims and survivors of IPV that they would like therapists and other professionals to know before working with this population.

---

“Abusers make sure they seem like good people so that if their victims speak up not one will believe it” -K

“I’m going to downplay how bad everything really is because I am terrified of him.” -H

“I lie to keep my son and myself safe and happier.” -M

“Victims will go back to stay safe.” -T

“I believe that you are going to see what’s going on and help me get out of the situation.” -H

“It is a risk for me to even see you, let alone share everything that is going on in my home.” 
-Anonymous

“The threat of taking my children away is enough to keep me.  I cannot let my children be alone with you so I will stay to keep them safe.” -L
​
“Please do not do couple’s counseling when there is DV present! The abuser will only use it to their advantage.” -J

“I live in fear every minute of every day.” -Anonymous

“I feel like I am crazy.  I don’t know which way is up and what is reality because he has told me so many different things.” -H

“The abuse seemed to get worse after I left.  I have children with him and will have to deal with abuse until my children are out of the house.” -A

“Standing up for myself and my children made me seem uncooperative in court.  It would be easier if I hadn’t said anything at all.” -Anonymous

“There is a reason why DV is behind closed doors.  Abusers care about their reputation.” -K

“He has been able to do everything he said he would do except kill me (yet).  He took my children, job, home, and I was too scared to say anything.” -T